Romans 12:9 says, "Love must be sincere." Recently, I've seen several demonstrations of insincere love. Insincere love on the surface looks like love and sounds like love, but it doesn't feel like love to the recipient of this 'love'. What I've seen demonstrated was a mean spirit, manipulation and control, masked in a cloak of "niceness". The actions looked good, the words sounded good, but the spirit behind it was not good. It was not love. And the result is a tearing down of trust and relationship, rather than a growing mutual love and respect.
I want to love sincerely. I don't want to hurt anyone with an insincere love. I want the love I demonstrate to others to be real. I want to love the way God loves, with the kind of love described in 1 Corinthians 13...
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
The only way I can consistently love like this is with God's love. It's His Spirit in me that can love others with a sincere love, consistently. I need to get myself out of the way and let Him love through me. And for me, that's not always easy.
Monday, August 20, 2007
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Whatever happened to commitment?
One of the things I'm finding the most difficult about being the mother of grown children is the changing of partners that takes place in the lives of my kids. Years ago a couple married, had children and stayed together until death parted them. Good or bad, that's the way it was. While that wasn't always the happiest state to be in, it was a commitment that was honoured.
Today, it is not uncommon for people to change partners, with or without marriage. Commitment doesn't mean the same thing as it did way back when. "I promise to be faithful to you for as long as I love you," is not commitment. When the feelings wear off and challenges arise in the relationship, it's easier to say goodbye than stay and work it through.
Some couples seem to think that they are the only ones affected by these changing relationships. But in reality, the extended family is affected, as well. When one of our kids brings a partner into the family, my husband and I receive that person with open arms. We accept them, get to know them, grow to love them, and consider them part of our family.
When that relationship breaks up, our hearts are grieved because of the love we have for both our child and the former partner. While our first loyalty lies with our own child, we still love the former partner as a member of our own family. We experience a loss when they can no longer be a part of our lives.
I'm finding my heart reluctant to so readily accept a new partner of my child's as I once was. The disappointment and loss make it difficult to want to open my heart up as freely as I've done. A part of me is now held in reserve, safeguarded against the grief.
And that, in itself, is a loss.
Today, it is not uncommon for people to change partners, with or without marriage. Commitment doesn't mean the same thing as it did way back when. "I promise to be faithful to you for as long as I love you," is not commitment. When the feelings wear off and challenges arise in the relationship, it's easier to say goodbye than stay and work it through.
Some couples seem to think that they are the only ones affected by these changing relationships. But in reality, the extended family is affected, as well. When one of our kids brings a partner into the family, my husband and I receive that person with open arms. We accept them, get to know them, grow to love them, and consider them part of our family.
When that relationship breaks up, our hearts are grieved because of the love we have for both our child and the former partner. While our first loyalty lies with our own child, we still love the former partner as a member of our own family. We experience a loss when they can no longer be a part of our lives.
I'm finding my heart reluctant to so readily accept a new partner of my child's as I once was. The disappointment and loss make it difficult to want to open my heart up as freely as I've done. A part of me is now held in reserve, safeguarded against the grief.
And that, in itself, is a loss.
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