One of the things I'm finding the most difficult about being the mother of grown children is the changing of partners that takes place in the lives of my kids. Years ago a couple married, had children and stayed together until death parted them. Good or bad, that's the way it was. While that wasn't always the happiest state to be in, it was a commitment that was honoured.
Today, it is not uncommon for people to change partners, with or without marriage. Commitment doesn't mean the same thing as it did way back when. "I promise to be faithful to you for as long as I love you," is not commitment. When the feelings wear off and challenges arise in the relationship, it's easier to say goodbye than stay and work it through.
Some couples seem to think that they are the only ones affected by these changing relationships. But in reality, the extended family is affected, as well. When one of our kids brings a partner into the family, my husband and I receive that person with open arms. We accept them, get to know them, grow to love them, and consider them part of our family.
When that relationship breaks up, our hearts are grieved because of the love we have for both our child and the former partner. While our first loyalty lies with our own child, we still love the former partner as a member of our own family. We experience a loss when they can no longer be a part of our lives.
I'm finding my heart reluctant to so readily accept a new partner of my child's as I once was. The disappointment and loss make it difficult to want to open my heart up as freely as I've done. A part of me is now held in reserve, safeguarded against the grief.
And that, in itself, is a loss.
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5 comments:
Hi, May, just stopped by your journal for a visit.
That is a sad situation. :(
I totally believe in commitment as the main glue that holds a marriage together along with forgiveness and of course, a relationship with the Lord.
Trophy
Hi! It's great to "see" you here. :)
When relationships start and end with such frequency, it's very difficult to want to open your heart up to someone new. But that is a by-product of these changes.
Thanks for stopping by. Come back again soon!
Years ago Tommy's folks didn't accept me readily as I am his second wife. Because of that we moved far away and maybe have visited about 10 times. Most of those visits were only Tommy and Melissa visiting.
It is a loss and the cost can't be measure until it's too late. :(
PS This is Julie.
Sometimes, if people would listen to those who've been there or those who just know what that cost is, it could at least be taken into consideration. But my experience has been that people don't want to listen.
I don't want to be like Tommy's folks who didn't readily accept you. But I am beginning to understand the hurt that the parents feel when their child's marriage/common-law relationship ends and another one starts.
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